Five Things I Could Do with a Certain Degree of Confidence Were I to Be Named in Tonight’s Yankees Line-up

Swing my bat standing in the on-deck circle

Tap the catcher’s shin guards with my bat

Have my ass patted by the first base coach

Chat with the first baseman

Argue with the umpire

Five Things I Absolutely Could Not Do with a Certain Degree of Confidence Were I to Be Named in Tonight’s Yankees Line-up

Hit the ball

Field the ball

Steal a base

Not have a beard

Spit sunflower seed shells without them dribbling down my chin

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4. batbreakinglygood reblogged this from flipflopflyball and added:

   i could probably spit sunflower seeds with some skill but this is basically accurate

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    I would not be any good at having my ass patted or chatting with the first baseman because I would never make it as far...

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19. kylegreggy reblogged this from flipflopflyball and added:

    I feel the same way.

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