The 2010 San Francisco Giants rotation.

Saraperos de Saltillo 12 Diablos Rojos 2

I’m certainly not a person that could be described as a poet. Not by a long shot. But in a recent email discussion with Ted and Eric from Pitchers & Poets, I mentioned that it might be an interesting experiment to see if one could do a report on a baseball game as a series of haikus.

So I tried at this evening’s Diablos Rojos game. I wrote the haikus after each half-inning. Apologies to real poets for stomping all over your art form in my clumpy boots.

Top 1st:

Raining and windy.

Two singles and a home run.

Saltillo three up.

Bottom 1st:

Fly ball and pop foul,

Tame ground ball to first.

Three up and three down.

Top 2nd:

Lightning, rain lashing.

The fans migrate to shelter;

The game continues.

—

First pitch long home run.

Walk, line drive to center field.

6-3, runner scores.

—

Base on balls again,

Two more and pitcher yanked.

Four run inning. Shit. 

Bottom 2nd:

Crowd still into it,

Despite being seven down.

Fat bald guy farted.

—

Two on and two out.

Ground out to short kills rally.

Beautiful lightning.

Top 3rd:

Home run. Pissing down. 

Why are they still playing ball?

Walks bases loaded.

—

Another walk: run.

A single scores two more runs.

This is getting ugly.

Bottom 3rd:

It’s twelve to nothing

Fly ball, ground out: this is shit

Double, F8, over.

Top 4th:

T-shirt. It is cold,

Feel unenthusiastic.

One, two, three inning

Bottom 4th:

Last year’s champions

Finally give up some runs:

A two-run homer.

Top 5th:

Groundskeepers: more dirt.

On the mound, around home plate

One, two, three, again.

Bottom 5th:

Only fifth inning

Cold and a little bit wet.

Cold beer doesn’t help.

—

Saltillo: teal uni,

Caps and jerseys with gray pants.

Looks kinda shitty.

—

E1 fielding and

Throwing: reached second base.

Runner left on base.

Top 6th:

Could be with friends,

Laughing and looking at girls,

Having fun indoors.

—

One, two, three again.

This reliever seems quite good;

I guess there is hope.

Bottom 6th:

Queen - We Will Rock You.

And Welcome to the Jungle,

And Gary Glitter.

—

Shakira and Stones.

Walk, K, hit, mound visit, K.

Rain stopped, need a piss.

—

Cold hands, warm penis.

Then a “Super Maxx” hot dog.

I washed my hands first. 

Top 7th:

Warm, tasty sausage.

(The hot dog, not my penis.)

Missed all top seventh.

Bottom 7th:

Mustard, tomatoes,

Plenty of jalapeños.

My breath is lovely.

—

Diablos losing,

It’s twelve to two. Eight hits each.

All those fucking walks…

Top 8th:

Smoked a cigarette,

And drank my fourth Corona.

Sarapero walked.

—

A long, foul fly ball:

Terrazas dived and caught it.

Hit wall and dropped ball.

Bottom 8th:

Idiot standing,

Blocking my view of the game,

Talking on his phone.

—

Both bat boys midgets.

There’s no reason to tell you,

But it is the truth.

Top 9th:

Saltillo grounders.

“Si se puede!” shout the fans,

Optimistic fans.

Bottom 9th:

First up hit by pitch.

It won’t happen, but hope lives.

It’s raining again.

—

Pop up, fielders choice.

Diablos down to last out:

Fly ball to center.

Post-game show:

Long walk to subway.

Had to jump over a fence;

The bridge gate was closed.

—

Apart from one car,

Couple fucking in back seat,

The street’s deserted.

—

On train, a man with

Little kitten in back pack.

The warm subway car.